The #1 question I am asked when people hear that I'm in an open, non-monogamous style relationship is "But aren't you jealous and afraid they'll eventually leave you?" What's sort of funny is that this is a common fear even in sexually exclusive partnerships!
In this video I delve into why we feel jealousy and what jealousy actually is; the compound emotion of fear of loss and rage from feeling that fear. Since the brain can't distinguish between something frightening that's happening in the moment and something frightening that's occuring solely in our mind, we act out even if we are only imagining something happening! These emotions come up when we have thoughts about ourselves and compare ourselves to others - ultimately what we are fearing is the fact someone may be better than us and may possess a value greater than our own.
The truth is, we all possess inherent value unique to us as individuals. We all bring different experiences and qualities to the table and no one person can ever be identical. This is why it is very unlikely that just because our partner has an affection for someone else it would mean they no longer love us! Instead, consider that they may love that person for who that person is, and they may love you for who you are.
Jealousy and jealous behavior inevitably leads to sabotaging our relationships by attempting to control and isolate our partner and by living in continual fear. When you feel you don't deserve or merit the existence of your relationship, you condemn yourself to fearing losing it to someone who will deserve it! Jealousy causes inhibited communication with your partner as demonstrating it communicates to your partner a lack of love and acceptance. This afflicts your relationship with your partner and ensures it is based on obligation and denial of our innate desire to connect with other human beings.
I present an antidote for jealousy involving self reflection and personal development as well as being able to efficiently share your emotions with your partner and facilitate open, non-judgemental communication between the two of you. The more accepting and non-jealous you become, I promise you the more your partner is going to, in their own freewill, continue to choose and love you!
Comment your thoughts below and for more relationship, communication, and personal development skills you can learn from the very course I credit my skills to! Message me or visit Great Relationships University Course & Community
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December 15, 2020
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